Wednesday, May 25, 2011


So many things have been going through my mind the last few days.

After almost a month on the market, we've been hit with showings like crazy! Today is the 3rd day in a row we have an agent bringing people in. I'm trying to stay positive and keep praying that we get an offer soon. We have so much yard work to do but we can't get to any of it because we have to leave while the house is being shown, and once we get home we have to put the kids in bed, and by that time we're exhausted and just end up going to bed early. We also have to organize the basement because there is 6 years of JUNK spread out over 1900 sq. ft. and it's time to get rid of it.

I have been having mixed feelings about this move. The biggest being the new location. I'm THRILLED to be moving back to the "big city" but not so thrilled at our living situation. We are going to be renting while we save to buy another home. Probably 2-3 years depending on how much we're able to save every month. It's very humbling to go from home ownership back to renting. However, it's also a huge burden lifted. This house has been a money pit. Thousands of dollars have gone in and you can't even tell. We won't have to worry about the financial burden if the basement floods, or if the furnace or water heater go out. We don't have to spend our entire weekend making repairs and upgrades. We get to enjoy our life!

We are tired. We are frustrated. We are broke!

I read a wonderful quote several months ago and I've done my best to abide by those words since reading them. I've spent so many years of my life waiting for things to get better. Waiting for the drama to pass so I can move on. Waiting. Wasting time.

With all the health problems we've gone through with Dade and Emmett, we have been in a constant state of waiting. "Let's wait to go camping until Emmett is off oxygen. Let's wait to go to Disney Land until All the kids are big enough to ride all the rides. Let's wait to go on a cruise until the kids are older" it's all we do.

Waiting to live your life is as pointless as having beautiful china that isn't allowed to be used.

I refuse to lose another day because I'm waiting for my situation to become ideal...because in reality, things are never going to be perfect. There will always be something going on and I need to deal with that, and accept it, and be at peace with it.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,
It's about learning to dance in the rain"

Monday, May 16, 2011

The sickness has taken over. Again.

If I get sick again before the fall I'm going to lose my mind. I'm on an antibiotic for the SECOND TIME SINCE JANUARY. This is ridiculous.

Emmett started getting a cold about 3 weeks ago. It quickly went from a runny nose to a nasty cough, chest congestion and a slight fever. It didn't want to leave. He is starting to feel better, but this poor kid is sick all the time. I can recall 8 colds/flu since the first weekend in October. THAT'S TOO MANY FOR SUCH A LITTLE BOY!

I started getting a tickle in my throat the night before the Race for the Cure 5K. I ran it anyway and by Saturday night I was miserable. Justin was sick on Saturday as well, and Dade had started getting a little bit of a sore throat. Orson managed to evade it.

On Monday Justin called in and we layed around feeling sorry for ourselves, and trying to muster up the strength to take care of three kids while we're trying not to die.

On Tuesday Justin was better but I was getting worse. I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with bronchitis, sinusitis and a double ear infection. Great. Just great.

I started a heavy duty antibiotic as well as a strong cough medicine and, almost a week later, there is some improvement in the cough, although it's not totally gone and I've got a constant headache from coughing so hard. I'll take that over how I was feeling last week...ANY DAY!

Now that we're all on the mend, Orson is sick. He was throwing up everything he ate and was coughing a lot so Justin took him in to the doctor...he has the same thing as Emmett. Bronchiolitis. He's been on a nebulizer the last few days and has responded really well. With the exception of a small cough and a slight runny nose, he's back to his normal, happy, sweet self.

Now that the weather has warmed up I'm hoping all the colds go away for a long time.

Emmett was sent to Cardiology at Primary Children's for his EKG on the 6th. He was scheduled for an echo but the chest X ray and EKG looked really good so there was no need for an echo-which is good because at this age, he'd need to be sedated and if you've ever had to sedate your child, you know how awful it is for them when they wake up. The PFO is still there but for now, isn't causing any problems. We go back in 6 months and if all is well at that point, we don't need to go back until he's 3. WHEW!!! 

Emmett and Orson are the same size now (to give you an idea of just how SMALL Emmett is...or how BIG Orson is!) Emmett has dipped just below 18 pounds and Orson is 15 pounds 2 ounces. Emmett is wearing 3-6 month shorts. Orson is wearing 6-9 month shorts. They are both wearing 9 month zipper jammies (although Emmett can fit into his 12 monthers now, too) 

It's amazing the lasting effects of having a preemie. We thought the battle was over when he left the NICU. It's a constant struggle to keep weight on that kid. It's always a battle to keep germs away (one that's proven to be impossible) and it's heartbreaking to see your 19 month old watch his big brother play and run around and see that he desperately wants to join him..but can't because he can't stand on his own yet. It's really unfair. 

We've decided to start physical therapy and early intervention, even though we're moving. Hopefully he'll start walking by the end of summer and start talking sooner. If we have to transfer it all to Salt Lake that won't be a problem...but the longer we wait, the harder it's going to be for him to catch up.

I have a lot of pictures from the 5K but they are all on the cell phone so I need to get them sent to Facebook and then put on the blog. It's not flattering by any means...but I was also sick and just got done running 3 miles.


Thursday, May 5, 2011

Update on Emmett

I took Emmett to the Urgent Care last night because his breathing is labored and rattly. He has bronchiolitis and was tested for RSV. Thankfully that came back negative but bronchiolitis can turn into RSV so we're just watching him. Hopefully the sneezing and boogers stop today otherwise we're going to have to reschedule his echo and that could be days, weeks, or even months. It's extremely difficult to get in to see Dr. Gray on short notice. I might have to call the pediatrician to have him call Cardiology for another appointment...he was able to get us in pretty quick this time.

He's in good spirits. Smiling, laughing and being silly...but he looks miserable.

More to come later...

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


My little Emmett just can't catch a break.

Our Echo and EKG appointment has been moved up from July to Friday. His weight gain has pretty much stopped and he's turning blue around the mouth at least once a day.

I don't like when Cardiology can get us in means they are concerned. And when they are concerned, they are usually right. When they are right...we usually end up needing a cath.

I have anticipated that we would need a cath for the PFO...but I've prayed SO hard that we wouldn't end up needing it. I know that having it will only help him thrive, but from the deepest part of my heart, I know I cannot handle this.

Emmett is still not crawling. Or walking. Or talking. He's 18 1/2 months old and he wears the same size clothes as his 4-month old brother.

Emmett is constantly sick. He usually goes about 2 weeks between colds. The colds last around 2 weeks. We are so tired of the boogers, the crabby mood and the poop that comes with sickness. I'm sure he's even more fed up with it than we are. He's such a trooper and he's been through so much. It's cruel that he has to continue to go through more.

We are also concerned he might be allergic to the dogs which is devastating to me because my puppies are my children. I can't just get rid of them. We got Neo when he was 8 weeks old and he just had his 6th birthday. We got Ellee when she was 8 weeks old and she is about to turn 5. I love them so very much and can't bear even thinking about not having them anymore.

On top of all this stress, we are putting our house up for sale tomorrow afternoon. I posted about that but took it down to revise it so it isn't with so much personal information that isn't really appropriate for everyone in the world to know.

Please, just pray or send good thoughts for my little Emmett as he starts down another long and difficult path.